Today was a day that has absolutely tested me. This is shaping up to be what would be a massive year for me at work after 2 years of laying the groundwork. Like I would WAY exceed my quota potentially. And that is VERY hard to walk away from. I have received the nicest emails from customers and that alone has been bittersweet. To know you’ve done a good job and built good, honest relationships with people is so rewarding. I have had people call and reach out to me saying that they are praying for me. That they want to keep in touch and follow my blog. That they want to see me before I leave. CUSTOMERS y’all. People that have become friends. And THAT has left me in a puddle of tears at one point this afternoon.
But the test is to walk away from the money. To do that and not know what the future holds even when others can so easily say “Oh, you’ll find something! Don’t worry about it.” is scary. I know friends have the sweetest intentions and just want to encourage me, but man, this is DIFFICULT. All the "what ifs" start flooding in and I have to choose to push them aside. I have been so blessed to be in IT and work the past 2 years for a great company. I have to believe that something will be available somewhere when I get back or that God has something so big and exciting, that I can’t even imagine it at this moment.
After my meltdown, I had to take Bailey outside. You know what I saw? 2 red Cardinals fluttering around. I have mentioned this before in posts on Facebook or Instagram, but when I have been in really difficult situations or had a really big decision to make or just been sad, Cardinals show up. Because both my parents are gone, I like to think that it’s them stopping by to remind me to smile and keep going. Or give me confirmation to keep going. Call me crazy, but that’s what I choose to believe. That instantly makes me feel better.
Some good news that came late this afternoon is that I have several people in line to look at my house! If it gets rented before April 1, that would be great!!! Fingers crossed. So, I move forward. I keep packing and planning and doing what I can here to get ready for the next phase. Whatever that may be.
God knows my heart and what I am having trouble letting go of. Security is such a big thing for me after having been brought up as a child in low rental housing and struggling for so long. There will always be highs and lows and it’s just time to turn the page and see what’s next. And I will trust in His promise of Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” And that is enough.
Hey, everyone! I'm Angie and I hope you enjoy my blog about how and why a single woman in her 40's decided to drop everything she was doing and follow her God sized dream to Italy. I may be scared to death but I am FULL of faith as God gives me the COURAGE TO JUMP!